With over 5,000 individual suggestions to keep you busy
You’re excited that they are going out, but also don’t want the brain weasels to eat you alive. Here are some great ideas for things to do while your partner is out on a date with someone else.
Okay, we admit to cheating a little by saying that our list has over five thousand individual suggestions when we are counting all 5,203 suggestions from the book 5,203 Things to Do Instead of Looking at Your Phone. This book is a great resource for spending time off of your devices in general even when you’re not trying to distract yourself from the idea that your partner is out on a date with someone who isn’t you.
So here it is, our ultimate list of suggestions to – keep yourself busy while your partner is out with someone else.
Idea #1 Read about non-monogamy
As polyamory and CNM become more mainstream, more and more authors have published books on the topic. Many years ago, it used to be the case that The Ethical Slut was one of the only books on ethical non monogamy, but fortunately for those of us already practicing CNM or who are curious about it, there are now loads of books on the subject to choose from to help us navigate our multiple open relationships.
A few Polyamory Book Suggestions
The Ethical Slut, Third Edition
If you haven’t read this yet, then it should be number #1 on your poly reading list. First published in 1997, this ”polyamory bible” has been updated and refined over the years, and the latest edition officially titled: The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love includes updated content from the latest generation of practicing polyamorists - millennials.
Re-released in 2017, the latest edition uses non-binary gender language to pay tribute to poly pioneers as well as addresses topics like asexuality and sex work from a consensually non monogamous perspective. When compared to more polyamorous oriented texts like “More Than Two”, coauthor Dossie Easton explores different open relationship configurations such as couples who don't live together, couples who don't have sex with each other, nonparallel arrangements, and couples with widely divergent sex styles, power disparities, or cross-orientation relationships.
Polywise
Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley share the insights they have gained through thousands of hours working with clients in consensually nonmonogamous relationships in Polywise.
With the hope of enabling readers to experience more love, connection, sex, freedom and support, this book offers practical strategies for transforming the root issues beneath the symptoms of broken agreements, communication challenges, increased fighting and persistent jealousy into opportunities for new levels of clarity and intimacy.
Polysecure
& The Polysecure Workbook
When – your girlfriend is on a date, your boyfriend is on a date, or your partner is on a date – you might want to learn more about attachment theory and how we can cultivate secure polyamorous relationships. In Polysecure and the companion workbook The Polysecure Workbook, polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships.
The Polysecure Workbook provides the tools needed to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships and to build personal security. You can thoroughly examine any attachment challenges you are facing with practical exercises to explore your own attachment history, examine your reasons for practicing nonmonogamy and the different styles of non monogamy that you relate to, and consider whether you rely on relationship structure for your attachment security.
Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships
This book provides a curated collection of the most popular communication tools, advice, and wisdom from the Multiamory podcast which has helped thousands of listeners improve their communication and create healthy relationships. In this book, they discuss: getting what you need out of conversations with your partner with the Triforce of Communication, forming better communication habits. How to process and reconnect after an argument with their Repair SHOP technique. As well as how to create regular RADAR check-in to support the long-term health of all of your relationships.
Check out more CNM Books…or tell us about your favorites that we didn’t mention.
Idea #2 Make Yourself Pretty
Humans of any gender feel better when they feel sexy and attractive, so this idea isn’t only for those who identify as ladies, this idea for self care works for anyone in an open relationship.
What do we mean when we say “Make yourself pretty”? Well, really anything that would qualify as “working on your appearance” or that makes you feel more like your attractive and sexy self. Do you have a suggestion to share? Tell us about your favorite way to make yourself feel more attractive, sexy, or generally pretty, because sharing is caring, and we’d love to add your ideas to this list.
Polyamorous smiles
Crest 3D White Professional Effects Whitestrips
If you’re sitting around reading a CNM Book or something while your partner is out, why not take the opportunity to do a professional-level whitening treatment on your teeth? With the Crest 3D White Professional Effects Whitestrips Teeth Whitening Strips Kit, 40 Strips (20 Count Pack) you can achieve up to 18 Levels Whiter in just 20 Days at-home with the same whitening ingredient as dentists use.
Non Monogamous Stress Relief
SpaLife Sit Back Relax Hydrating Lavender Facial Mask 10 count
Try a hydrating facial mask infused with Lavender extract to help you de-stress from any uncomfortable feelings of jealousy that may be coming up while your partner is out on their date.
This easy to do mask will hydrate and soothe your skin in only 20 minutes. If Lavender isn’t your thing, face masks are available in lots of different flavors from this link, and can be a simple way to boost your mood.
Open relationship grooming
Ballsy B2 Body Trimmer
While some of the marketing on this unnecessarily gendered body hair trimmer might be a turn off, the unique vertical head design with “downstairs safe” blades to eliminate nicks, cuts and snags makes it easier to trim hard-to-reach areas.
You don’t need balls to enjoy this unique trimmer with two heads. Made to be waterproof so you can use it conveniently dry or in the shower, go ahead, take it in the shower, and see how groin grooming on any body grooming becomes a breeze.
Get outside and get pretty
Sometimes staying at home while our partners are out is too boring or isolating, so if you need to get out of the house but still want to make yourself pretty, we have a few more ideas.
Ever had a mani-pedi? Getting a manicure, or a pedicure, or both can be a great way to eat up some time while your partner is out with your meta. Booking an appointment to get your nails done is a great way to take yourself out for some special self-care attention. If you are looking for a last minute idea, many nail salons will also accept walk-ins without an appointment. You can search yelp for walk-in nail salons near you right now.
If getting your nails done isn’t for you, maybe try booking an appointment with your hairstylist or barber. Nothing says I’m emotionally stable and enjoying polyamory like a dramatic new haircut, right? Jk, but really, freshening up your cut or color can be a great boost to your self esteem, or even just getting a shampoo & trim or shave while you visit with your personal barber or stylist can be truly comforting.
Idea #3 Move your body
You don’t have to have an anxious attachment style to feel some anxiety about your partner being out on a date with someone else. Even experienced practitioners of poly with long term open marriages will sometimes feel anxiety when a partner is dating someone new.
Exercising or moving your body is both a healthy distraction and a proven method to relieve stress and anxiety. Here are some ideas to get you moving in your nonmonogamous relationship.
Mindful polyamory
Millenti Exercise Yoga Mat
Pick up this fantastic yoga mat, and head over to YouTube to try a workout, yoga routine, or mindfulness meditation practice today. Do you keep saying you don’t have time to meditate or workout? Maybe you could use some of the time while your partner is out on a date to work on your body and your mind.
This 6mm mat is ideal for hard floors but can be used on any type of flooring. Not too thick, and not too thin, it is perfect for any intensity workout. The TPE surface is easy to wipe clean, and will hold up to sweat or dirty feet.
Strengthening your open-relationship
Easy Grip Workout Dumbell Set
If you’ve already got the mat, and are now ready to add some free weights to your routine this is a great starter kit. Available in different weights and colors, these neoprene coated, hexagon shaped dumbbells come with an easy-to-assemble storage stand.
This starter set includes 2 each: 2, 3, and 5 pound dumbbells (6 total) for exercise and strength training, or click the Amazon link to check out other multiple sizes allowing for mixing and matching for your specific workout needs. The non-slip grip provides a comfortable, secure hold to keep you strong while you practice CNM.
Going outside
If moving your body outside of your home sounds better to you, here are a few more ideas. When staying indoors is too isolating, you can try:
- Going to the gym
- Take a spin, boxing, or martial arts class
- Go for a walk outside, bonus points for walking in nature
Idea #4 Hug a Pillow
Hugging stuff is super good for you! If you can: hug a pet, hug a different partner, or hug a friend, but if those things aren’t available at the moment, then good news is that research suggests that even hugging an inanimate object, such as a pillow, can help reduce stress.
What’s even better than hugging a pillow? Hugging a fancy CNM throw pillow from our amazing Throw Pillows Collection. You won’t just feel comforted, you can also feel full of your non-mono pride when you hug one of these fantastic pillow designs.
The simple act of hugging a pillow triggers the release of endorphins, the feel-good hormones that counteract the adverse effects of anxiety and stress. Check out the Xiashrk Knot Pillow Ball, Knotted Square Pillow or the Fuck It Just Get Naked 18x18 Black Pillow Cover Case or one of these awesome poly pillows - Just Poly Things - Throw Pillows Collection.
Idea #5 Stay off your phone
5,203 Things to Do Instead of Looking at Your Phone
What do you do when you don’t want to scroll? This amazing guide of 5,203 Things to Do Instead of Looking at Your Phone will help you put down the devices, and engage with the irl world around you. With thousands of ideas for simple, beautiful things to do instead of playing on your phone, this healing book offers the opportunity, 5,203 times, to slow down, look up, and rediscover what makes you feel nourished and grounded as a human being.
Idea #6 Adult coloring books
If the idea of reading one of the suggested books on CNM feels a little too heavy or intense, perhaps an adult coloring book would be more to your liking. These fun adult-oriented activity books will bring you joy while keeping you busy. Coloring is also a great way to reduce stress and release some creative energy.
POLYAMORY: An Adult Coloring Book
Color Me Kinky: NSFW Adult Coloring & Activity Book
The Vagina Coloring Book
Find The Hidden Penises Adult Activity & Coloring Book
The Stoner Babes Coloring Book
Idea #7 Crochet your very own unicorn
Never get called a unicorn hunter again, once you’ve satisfied your unicorn cravings with one of these adorable crochet your own unicorn kits. Taking up a new hobby like knitting or crocheting is great for stress reduction, and will definitely keep you busy on those lonely nights when your partners are out with their other partners.
These kits come with everything you need to get started learning to crochet including the yarn, needles, and step by step easy to follow instructions. With several kits to choose from, you’ll have to decide between the unicorn family in the Crochetta Jumbo 3 Unicorn Family Crochet Kit for Beginners or one of these other super cute kits.
FFKHYCA Crochet Animal Kit for Beginners Unicorn
Lewhoo Crochet Kit for Beginners- Unicorn
Apexillio Purple Pink-Unicorn Learn to Crochet Kit for Beginners
Luna the Unicorn - Beginner Crochet Kit
Crochetta Jumbo 3 Unicorn Family Crochet Kit for Beginners
Idea #8 Clean your toys
When was the last time you cleaned and reorganized your adult toy collection? While of course we are assuming that you clean your toys after each use, it never hurts to go through your collection and do a little extra routine maintenance.
Getting your adult toys all nicely cleaned and organized can be a fun project to keep you busy while your partner is out. You could also be getting them ready for when your partner comes back and is ready to reconnect.
Our suggestion is to go through your collection and make sure that your toys are nicely organized so that you can find the one you want quickly when you’re in the moment. Replace any stale batteries, and take a moment to check that each toy is still in proper working order. If a toy has any visible signs of wear and tear, such as cracks or discoloration, it’s probably time to replace it.
Adult Toy Cleaner
Try one of these amazing Adult Toy Cleaners to keep your toys fresh and clean and ready to go.
Idea #9 Throw out your expired condoms and restock with fresh ones
It doesn’t matter what type of CNM you are practicing or exploring – relationship anarchy, solo-poly, or polyamory vs open relationship – chances are that you have some kind of relationship rules around the use of barriers, because while not every couple sets polyamorous relationship rules for condom use, most do.
Condom Buying Guides
When you purchase condoms, they will usually last up to 5 years, and each individual condom wrapper should have a clearly printed expiration date. Throw away any condoms that are beyond their expiration date, and restock your supply with a fresh box from one of our comprehensive buying guides.
Just Poly Things Condoms Buying Guides
Are you looking to try out:
We’ve got you covered. Keeping a supply of condoms on hand for when you need them makes sure that you will be ready to engage in safer-sex when the time comes, but we know that most people would rather not use condoms if possible. So if it’s been a while since you’ve purchased condoms it might be a good idea to go thru your stash, and make sure that none of them are expired.
