It was never my original plan to go from practicing parallel poly to kitchen table polyamory on Valentine’s Day, but that’s how it happened.
Flashback time, going back to 2017.
I’ve always been solo-poly, but back in 2017 I had only been practicing poly for a few years, and had really only done parallel polyamory. I wasn’t against the idea of kitchen table or anything, but partners who actively wanted to hang out with their metas wasn’t really something I’d experienced.
PS, If any of these words are new for you, check out our How to Grow Your Poly Vocabulary article.
Planning a polyamorous valentine's day
Leading up to Valentine’s Day, I had an LDR comet partner, as well as one local partner who I did not live with, but I was also casually dating locally. The casual locals were all making plans with their primaries or were doing something else like a “Galentines” thing or something, so I started discussing the hierarchy of planning with both my partners well in advance. Both had other partners to consider as well.
At this point in my poly journey, my local partner had met one of the people that I was casually dating, but it was just a very quick meet and greet, when dropping me off at Folsom Street Fair. It was not really a group hang kinda situation.
So the idea of a romantic valentines day dinner with two people who had never met before that night seemed like a far fetched dream. But here’s how it happened…
The plan was for LDR Comet to fly out for the holiday, and that I would host him and spend Valentine’s Day night with him. Local Partner wasn’t super thrilled about not getting Valentine’s night with me, but understood why comet partners are called “comets”.
Kitchen table desires
Local Partner was the first partner I’d ever had that WANTED to meet their metas. Before that it was, “Sure I’m open to meeting them if they want to meet me”, but if you get that from both people, it feels a little weird to put them in a room together, even if it’s my birthday. Hinging is a social dance that society doesn’t teach us how to perform.
So we made plans for a meet and greet. I picked up my LDR comet from the airport, and we stopped by a bar to meet my local partner for a drink. The bar was Fireside Lounge in Alameda, and that night they were serving a beer by 21st Amendment Brewing called, “Good Things”. Local partner doesn’t drink, so yes it was a little strange for us to be meeting him in a bar, but Alameda is small, and we wanted to avoid restaurants on account of it being Valentine’s Day and all.
With both of them at a table, I got to go to the bar and say, “Can I have two Good Things, please?” then immediately look back and see my two amazing partners happily chatting with each other.
That might have been the moment I decided I no longer preferred parallel polyamory.
Keep the party going
The meet and greet was going so well, that after a few rounds of Good Things and soda water we decided to brave the crowds to grab something to eat from the restaurant next door. The 3 of us head out of the bar arm in arm, with me in the middle and walk up to the hostess to see how long the wait will be.
Queue some pretty confused looks as the restaurant is doing a prix fixe menu, and only has tables for couples, they seem pretty put out that they will have to “put together” a table for three. We ask how long that will take?
It's not us, it's them
After we’re seated and throughout the meal, the entire restaurant staff is having apoplexy at seeing what they can only assume is a throuple out for Valentine’s day dinner. Considering this was in the Bay area, we really didn’t feel like we were being that dramatic, but I guess Alameda isn’t Oakland or Berkeley.
Not to mention plenty of curious stares from the other couples dining. Which only added a small hint of awkwardness to one of the fanciest Valentine’s Day meals I’ve ever had in my life.
Parting is such sweet sorrow
After dinner we both hugged my local partner goodbye and he went home alone while I went home with my LDR comet. It didn’t turn into a threesome, or huge blow up fight, it was just a lovely time introducing two very important people in my life. Since that night, I've learned from being on the other side how big of a heart one must have to be the partner who goes home alone after a wonderful evening spent in V.
Valentine's Day 2017 was my first attempt at kitchen table polyamory, and it was successful because it happened organically. Everyone communicated in advance, so when the day came we knew what to expect, and there was no pressure to make it into anything other than a meet and greet, and that’s why it turned into a fun story about a romantic dinner.
This is what successful polyamory looks like to me.
What’s your poly valentine’s day story?
Share it in the comments below!
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